Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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