just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
