walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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