I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it glows. i had to have it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
