i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
