Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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