How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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