some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
