I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
