I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
