Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize