I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
