Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
