over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
