grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
