I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize