you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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