Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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