now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
