he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
