Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize