It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
