I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
