margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
