Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Enjoy the penises
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
