Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
