There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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