i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She said her name was "party"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
