I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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