I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
