shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
