i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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