well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
