if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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