You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
