She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
