haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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