yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
