absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
