I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Let's get the cat blown out
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize