living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
