When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There r osticjed everywhere
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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