matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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