In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
