He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
