I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
