also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
