Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
