he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
