What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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