Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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