Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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