The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
