My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
