Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
