i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
