I'm lost and stupid without you.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
