She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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