I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
