i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
