eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
