im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
