I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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