my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
