the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Even my vagina gasped.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
