so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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