It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
