Just fell off a train. Bad.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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