What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
