that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
