How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
