there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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