I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
