so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
