you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
