I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
