just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
