I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
