Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
