can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
