my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
