It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
