How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
