I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
