Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He has the fingertips of a God
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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