the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
